Between the Cracks

Let’s get this part straight: I’m not dying. I’m just being honest. And sometimes honesty feels like holding your own obituary in advance to remind yourself that you’re still breathing despite the weight.

This isn’t a cry for help. It’s a confession. A catalog. A proof of persistence. A record of what it means to still show up even when nothing about the path makes sense anymore.

Because in case you missed it…

Yes: I’ve been fired. Not once. Not three times. But from every single job I’ve ever had, except the newspaper route I started at 13 and the ice cream shop I scooped cones at in high school.

Every other job? Gone. Sometimes days before benefits kicked in. Sometimes because I knew too much. Sometimes because I said too much. Sometimes because I couldn’t pretend to be less than I am.

Yes: I used to sell weed, then houses, then maps, then scraps of dreams stitched together with charisma and adrenaline. I turned side hustles into real businesses until they stopped being real and just became ways to not fall apart.

Yes: I’ve lived in a van that doesn’t run, a garage I didn’t own, and a triplex I can barely afford. I’ve co owned yurts with friends because that’s the only way I could finish what I started.

Yes: I have a daughter I’ve met once. A mom who helped and hurt. A dad who says little and feels less. A sister who thinks I broke her toilet and her trust. A best friend who became her baby’s father.

Yes: I made $37k last year and still couldn’t catch up. I missed ferries, dodged deposits, booked one ways out of thin air. I still show up to climbing trips with no plan except get there.

Yes: I am a mess. But I am also magic. And still moving.

This isn’t a suicide note. It’s a survival manual. Written backwards. Written raw. Written by someone who’s failed more times than he can count but hasn’t given up on the idea that there’s still something beautiful left to build.

I’m not dead. I’m just cracked open.

And if you’ve read this far, maybe you are too. Good. That’s where the light gets in.